Having a good fantasy team name will gain you the respect of your peers. Having the respect of your peers will skyrocket your team’s chances of winning. I can’t prove this but from years of fantasy experience, I know it to be true. Don’t doubt me.
The purpose of this little article is to provide tips for naming your fantasy football team. From proper grammar to inappropriate player puns, these tips address everything you need to know.
1. Be unique
This is the most important tip. There are so many overused names that I’ve seen over the years. I bet you every league this year will have at least one team named in honor of Robert Kraft’s ‘Orchids of Asia’ or ‘Drops of Jupiter, Florida’. Get out of here. Or let’s take a glance back to a few years ago when every league had a team named ‘Tom Brady’s Deflated Balls’. Hahahahahaha NO. You’re not funny. It’s funny the first time and then it’s not funny anymore. So I beg you to BE UNIQUE.
2. Be funny
This one is for the people who name their team after their favorite team (likely a Pats fan). To the people who call themselves the ‘Dream Crushers’ or the ‘Dallas Cowgirls’. Or god forbid the team who leaves it as ‘Team [Insert Last Name]’. That last one just hurts my feelings. The point is that teams with boring names lose. Have a sense of humor.
3. Player puns are dope
But only if it’s done right. About the first tip, ‘Dez Nuts’ is an overused name. Yet, ‘The Stafford Infection’ makes me laugh every time. At the end of this article, I’ve included a list of these pun names for reference.
Also if you’re struggling, just name your team ‘Ha Ha Clinton-Dix’. No pun needed. His name is amazing and I want to thank his parents.
WARNING: Do not jump the gun on a player pun name before you’ve drafted. Chances are someone will steal the player just to spite you. I am a victim of this. RIP ‘Fournetteflix and Chill’. Wait until after you have drafted to name your team.
4. Doesn’t have to be about football
‘Scott’s Tots’, [insert friend’s name] Mom’s Bed’, ‘The White Claws’ are all acceptable names. This is a magnificent opportunity to take shots at your fellow opponents. Nothing is off-limits.
5. Make sure at least half of the owners will get the reference
Inside jokes are only cool if half of the owners get the reference. For example, ‘Baker of Chains’ is only acceptable if half the league has watched Game of Thrones. The same goes for ‘House Tyrell’, ‘Crows before Hoes’, and ‘Skip Baelish’.
Besides, you need to make sure the reference is still relevant at the end of the season. Harambe memes will never die but ‘Old Town Road’ will be a meme of the past come December 2019.
6. Use proper punctuation
Use the apostrophe.
7. Know your audience
If you’re playing in your work league, maybe ‘2 Gurley’s 1 Cup’ is not the best choice. If you’re playing in a family league, maybe ‘Kareem MILF Hunter’ is not the best choice. If you’re playing in a church league, maybe ‘Golden Taint’ is not the best choice. You get the picture. Save those names for leagues with your buddies. Instead, try using ‘Teddy Throwsevelt’, ‘Rollin’ with Mahomies’ (personal favorite), or ‘Calamari Cooper’.
The Gurley Gates
Hot Chubb Time Machine
Bend it Like Beckham
Belichick Yourself Before You Rex Yourself
Old McDonald Had a Stiff Arm
Mahomes and Watson
Golden Tate Showers
Hit me with your Prescott
San Francisco 69ers
Globo Gym Purple Cobras
Good Will Punting
JuJu Tang Clan
Chillin’ at the Golladay Inn